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Top 39 Funny Quotes

Explore the best Funny Quotes. Here is our best collection of Funny Quotes collected from a various of sources.

- Appsious.com




Top 39 Funny Quotes



People who tolerate me on a daily basis... They're the real Heroes

- Anonymous



My opinion offended you? You should hear what I keep to myself

- Anonymous



I wish life was as simple as Calculus

- Anonymous



Introverts - Unite separately in your own homes

- Anonymous



Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

- Anonymous



I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.

- Anonymous



Is 'Fuck You' an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

- Anonymous



I wish more people were fluent in silence

- Anonymous



Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.

- Yogi Berra



Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

- Yogi Berra



Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.

- Neil Gaiman



Of course, I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice

- Anonymous



Monday? I swear it was Friday like five minutes ago.

- Anonymous



I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.

- Anonymous



Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here

- Anonymous



How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?

- Anonymous



Follows Diet. Diet doesn’t Follow back. Unfollows diet

- Anonymous



A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

- Barbara Johnson



Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

- Stephen Hawking



In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded

- Terry Pratchett



I've got a sense of humor. I'm a funny guy.

- Daryl Hall



Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening.

- Anonymous